(Source: terrysdiary, via becomelean)

kidraaul:

fanfictions be like ”his eyes scanned the crowed and then locked with mine”

image

(via eboobny)

(via petewanks)

uncledorito:

dont-touch-mysammywinchester:

aglassofgleeblesplease:

deeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaadpool:

do u ever watch movies or shows where they have a flashback to a main character’s childhood and it’s so god damn well cast that you think for a second that they built a time machine and filmed the same actor when they were a little kid

image

WHAT THE FUCK

M

cieply:

i wanna talk about it but i really dont wanna talk about it

(via vodkacupcakes)

ivycallum:

When a teacher tells you to be quiet half way through your sentence.

ivycallum:

When a teacher tells you to be quiet half way through your sentence.

(via heyfunniest)

heyfunniest:

😢

heyfunniest:

😢

(Source: gurrenth)

"One: Buy condoms. Buy them and keep them with you at all times, and use them before you are asked to use them. And use them every time. The peace of mind you allow your partner will free her to be vulnerable with you, and that, my son, is exactly what sex is about. Condoms are sexy. In fact, call buying condoms foreplay.
(Footnote: If you are too embarrassed to buy condoms, you are not ready to have sex.)

Two: Kissing is not merely foreplay. Spend entire evenings making out on the couch while fully clothed. Believe me, dry-humping rocks.

Three: Sex is not just about friction. It’s about emotion. Stop trying to find her clitoris and find her heart. Because then she’ll help you find her clitoris.

Four: If you really wanna know how to please a woman, ask her how she masturbates. Then do that. A lot. If she claims she doesn’t masturbate, offer to take her shopping for a vibrator so you can both learn the vocabulary of her body together.

Five: Don’t put anything in her butthole you wouldn’t want in your own.
(Footnote: Try a pinky finger, it’s kinda awesome.)

Six: When you go down on her—and you will go down on her, and if you are my son, you will be amazing at it—tell her how good she tastes. Stop in the middle and kiss her deeply so she knows how good she tastes. Do the same when she goes down on you.

Seven: A simple Google search will yield 1,327 euphemisms for male masturbation, yet only 23 for female masturbation. If guys spent less time jacking off and more time jilling off, this world would be a happier place.

Eight: Everything you need to know about the importance of the clitoris is in the movie Star Wars. You are Luke Skywalker piloting your penis-shaped X-Wing Fighter deep inside her trench. Remember: seventy percent of all Death Stars cannot be blown up through penetration of the trench alone. It must be through focused contact with that little exhaust port at the top of the trench. Otherwise, any explosions you experience will be merely Hollywood special effects.

Nine: Just because you come doesn’t mean she has, so don’t you dare come before her. Focus completely on your partner. Don’t worry about gettin’ yours, you’re a guy. You always get yours. Your job is to make sure she’s gettin’ hers.

Ten: If sex with your partner lasts no longer than this poem, you are not making love. You are masturbating with her body instead of your hand. Shame on you. Go back to step one. You’ve got a lot of learning to do.
Love, Dad."

Big Poppa E., “How To Make Love”  (via kanyequeen)

When I read #1, I thought about how my ex-husband was 22 years old and was too embarrassed to buy condoms and would make me do that job for him so I continued reading and realized everything above happened to be lessons he needs to learn himself.

(via helainetieu)

Number 8 tho. 😂

(via littlestsunfl0wer)

(Source: internmarlee, via tragic-desiree)

captain-mycaptain:

dirku:

nonomella:

that terrifying moment when everything is happily resolved but the book still has 200 pages left

that terrifying moment when there’s too many things that need resolving but the book has only 20 pages left

EITHER WAY

IT’S JUST LIKE

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(via tragic-desiree)